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*~Hana~*
30 September 2007 @ 01:18 pm
So..... My Grandma had a heart attack because looking after my Grandad was too much.


I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

_prison ward 32_
I saw you twice today.For the last time i know it.
I cried both times. I thought i was stronger.
I feel like i'm falling to pieces.
 
 
Current Music: Biffy Clyro-folding stars
 
 
*~Hana~*
21 September 2007 @ 05:32 pm
I've gone for too long living like i am not alive.
So i'm going to start over night, begining with you and I.
When this memory fades i'm going to make sure its replaced.
With chances taken hope embraced...

Embarking on the last year of uni is scaring the crap out of me.
Partially because the sooner it starts the sooner its over.
University has been the best decision i have ever made and sometimes its been a struggle but without a doubt the best time of my life, thus far.
I have so much to be thankful for, so many happy memories.

I want to travel after uni,and i don't want to move back home.
That would be like going backwards.
I can't wait to see what happens next!

You have to believe yourself to be happy now,
you can't rely on someone else.

.You will be folding stars
 
 
Current Location: Headingly Avenue
Current Music: Biffy Clyro.
 
 
*~Hana~*
28 June 2007 @ 12:01 pm
Moving house on Sunday, its exciting.
I'm in a happy daze today, its good shit.
Now i'm going to go sit in the Egg and be pensive and arty or something.
 
 
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: I found out- Pigeon Detectives
 
 
*~Hana~*
27 May 2007 @ 04:56 pm
Are my dreams broken?
Dreams don't break, they begin and they end.
And then they begin again.

Thanx to those who commented on my previous post. it helped.

'Now we are being followed by rocks.'
shooo

I really enjoyed POTC3 and when that small person shot his gun and went flying i laughed for pretty much half an hour. i worry about my sense of humour sometimes.

WHY OH WHY is Lost doing this too me!
Who was in the coffin? If it was Sawyer i am going to.....
well be very upset.

Now i am going to drop it down looooww at the Slam Dunk festival.
 
 
Current Location: surrounded by boxes
Current Music: Paramore-woah
 
 
*~Hana~*
30 April 2007 @ 08:29 pm
Ali and i just made the most awesomest PIE ever, Salmon, egg asparagus and cheese.
It was hot. in both kinds of ways
And it momentarily took my mind off of the news i got the other day.
Which was immanent really. My Grandma went to see a specialist about my Grandad,
and as we kinda new, he has a large build up of water on his lungs along sides that the walls of his lungs are thickening, due to this there is a growing amount of pressure on his heart.
As well as this his cholesterol is extremely high due to the fact he can't move very much, this unlike the other problem can be treated.
My Grandma has chosen not to go ahead and treat his high cholesterol, as without treatment there is a heightened chance of a stroke and this means as opposed to struggling in pain and inevitably ending up in bed with an oxygen on his face for the rest of his 'so called' life.
I know this is the right decision and kindest things, but its still soo hard to hear, and i've taken it a lot harder than i thought i would.
Therefore i will probably be going back home soon, for a bit, even tho we don't know what or when anything will happen, i'd like to spend a little more time with him.

In other news, i've been out playing on my scooter and scatch,being drunk and enjoying the new avril album, oh yes.
 
 
Current Location: in uni
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
Current Music: Av Lav
 
 
 
*~Hana~*
27 April 2007 @ 03:48 pm
Had such the fantastic Easter, and the best part was i got to see almost Everyone!
Now i'm back in good ole Leeds and damn it guuuudeee, just watched Evil dead 2 (what a rofl)-taking it easy.
Just handed in all my work, now i'm a free Bee!!!
Its sunny and time to party, Ali just got the new Av Lav album and Primark is only a short distance away, oh i love Leeds!

I have to admit i am rather enjoying CSI(-yes my life is extremely exciting!), but only the one with Grisim, oh Grisim, your like Johnathon Creek but without the curly locks.However Fallatio Kain (as we like to call him) is merely a watered down version of Jack Bower, who i would very much so like to slap in the face with a fish!

Ali and i bought tickets to the Slam Dunk festival tother day, after enjoying a grand boogie in the sweatiest of all places the pit of cocks. Where chat up lines such as beckoning people with a hand and asking if they were gay where used to much success, that is of course till Spaileen Esq fell off the stage completely.

ohmydays i have no idea why i am talking such piffle, its probably due to the fact i am waiting for my new sexy external harddrive to remove all my photos of my computer.This is taking copious ammounts of time.O.o

Hmm well it is almost national piping day MAY 11th) which means lots of celebrations! And i have decided to drag some dear friends back to Liverpool with me in search of the rare breed that is dying out here called the Chav.
I'm sure tomorrow in our hungover state we will travel out of Leeds on our daily saturday adventure to Asda and spot us some prime Chavs.wooopeee

Not that anyone evers seems to be on this thing anymore, but EVERYYYYONNEE should now come visit me in Leeds, because i'm FREEEEE \o/

All i have to do now is think of something begining with L to go on the L'ottley run. =\
 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Fall out boy-this ain't a scene its a God damn arse rape
 
 
*~Hana~*
22 March 2007 @ 11:32 am
Another year, .........the only festival
I had to stand outside Crash for four hours to get my ticket.
My feet were so cold.-but it was sooo worth it.
I'm going to see Nine inch nails! and the whole of Blink in a weekend.
Arcade fire! Enter shikari.The smashing pumpkins!
And the Klaxon's again woooo.
Ok i shall calm down now.
Home for Easter soon, i really want to have a huge party,
probably because i have been listening to too much chemical bros.
 
 
Current Location: uni
Current Music: enter shikari-sorry youre not a winner.
 
 
*~Hana~*
06 March 2007 @ 05:45 pm
It absolutely disgusts me the lack of facilities provided in this country for terminally sick people.
My grandad has been diagnosed with parkinsons with louis bodies disease for over ten years,
His awareness is decreasing and he is deteriorating increasingly as time passes,
due to this he is becomming more dependant of those around him, most significantly my grandma.

The nhs so far offered to put him in a home, where they spoke to him with a terrible attitude showed no compassion what so ever.  When he requested to be taken to the toilet in the night several times, they left him there telling him he didn't need to go, so subsequently he had no option but to wet himself, they 'forgot' to give him his medicine, to prevent heart attacks, in the end he either had to be taken home, or left to die.

At home they are ment to provide help for my grandma as she isn't the fittest of fiddles, they have taken five years to get anywhere and so far all they have is staff helping in the morning, my grandma's getting increasingly bad arthritus(sp?) and terrible back problems which have now become even worse, as she has to lift my grandad in and out of bed, and baisically do everything for him. In effect there lack of help is not only worsening one person its killing two.

I help whenever i am home, my brother has left school now, instead of his alevels he is helping my grandma on certain days, the nhs are now paying him for his time....

Now we are in the process of getting 24hr helpers in for my grandma, but i feel its too little to late. To watch this happen to anyone especially loved ones, makes me sick... and the most awful fact is there is actually fuck all i can do, other than the little i am doing now.

The other day he asked for a driving liscence off my mum, because he said it was about time he got out the house.
hours later he asked if i had bought those tea bags he'd asked for. and then he attacked the stuffed rino i got him for christmas telling me it was laughing at him and getting it in a headlock.

It doesn't actually feel like he is the same person anymore, and i barely remember the person he was.
 
 
*~Hana~*
06 March 2007 @ 04:45 pm
Just got back from skiing for my 21st, and it was FANTASTIC.

It was amazing to get back on the slopes, and i picked it back up again rather quickly,
Even managed to do a few jumps, and they played blink on the slopes frequently so i was very happy.
Went down some rather scary steep slope too, which i'm impressed by as im so terrified of heights!
I also tried snowboarding, i now want to go back and learn that, my board had sheeps on it!


In the evening when the slopes emptied we would bumboard, Dez and i won the doubles bumboarding race!!
Meaning free shots, infact the area was so student orientated most things involved free shots, which made for wabbly feet in the morning.
We went on a free bar crawl with the reps, which was larfs, most of the bars remind me of leeds. I feel like i was there alot longer than a week, 

i wana go back =(.
One is Contemplating going out there as a rep for a year after uni.

MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY, i went out in leeds to star, we dressed up in self made-because were so cool, costume masks and went to the skank hole that is 'star' i think thats why i like it, because its skanky, and reminds me of simpler times at the kra or even dare i say it STAIRWAYS! Everyone spoiled me on my birthday, so just need to say a big
THANK YOU, to anyone who came out or wished me happy birthday it really was fantastic.


In other news, I'm getting bummed out a little, well not really as i absolutely love it here in uni in my lovely little house and boogying with my uni pals, but i really feel like i have neglected people from back home, its welle hard keeping up with all you guys, met up with mikey b and caz the other day which was nice, but its so hard meeting everyone and fitting them into like the day im at home.
I'm hoping to bump into many people over easter tho....so beware!
oh and also......Pip! i bloody love you!


i think i shall be off now as i am very excitable as its rather sunny about and i am recieving lots of springtime vibes! weeeeee
 x x x x x x x
 
 
Current Location: dezzy's room
Current Music: the klaxons-its not over yet
 
 
*~Hana~*
01 February 2007 @ 03:18 pm

I have just had the first nose bleed of my life, and it really wasn't pleasant.
It must be because i am recovering from the WORST man flu ever, of which i thought i was going to die from!Has anyone noticed how much worse colds seem to be getting? i think this must be a combination of stronger strings of flu and the fact that i am getting older- i don't want to be getting older, i mean since when did it become 2007? it was only 2000 the other day.

  And soon  i am going to be 21...i'm almost at my scary grown up age, and i don't feel any older than i did at 18, its really hard to look into the future as i can't picture me being any older, i can only picture me here, next year i actually have to leave uni and do something with my life.
I think i'm going to travel, Jaye is going to Thailand this summer, i think next year i might go with him, or to Japan, i am not sure yet. 
The Christmas break was great, got to see a few people, wasted a whole night mating worms on Vivapinata with J whilst drinking dooleys, Pip and I had a fantastic time finding a rather obscure Buddah soap at callo's  and Eddie, well he had a fantastic trip at callo's party. 
..Speaking of trips for my birthday i'm going to Andora Skiing, which will be fantastic as i have ridiculous fuzzy chewbacca shoes, and a bright red ski suit with braces from when my mum was 14, i'm going to look like the coolest person on the slopes and i can't wait.

I spent New Year with Dez and gang in Gibraltar, which was fantastic, it was like an English summer the whole time, we had fireworks and a live band in the square which played blink, and traveling there was a hoot as i ended up sitting next to my old art teacher Mr Body for the duration of the flight. WAF-and theres a word(?) i haven't used for a while.

So i guess the reason i'm on here instead of playing on my wii is its faulty,... and i don't wish to get any further on Zelda because i can't transfare saves :@, i also got a Commodore 64 for Christmas with Flimbo's quest...Fantastic.
Uni is going very well at the moment, just finished my Alice in wonderland addaption, 
now i hardly have to be in at all for the whole of term, however i am currently creating a piece about an alcoholic Lobster named Pinchy, as thats the obvious follow up to a drug fuelled Alice in wonderland.
Outside of uni i am doing too much alcohol drinking and clothes shopping-because i obviously need them!

I am very excited about tomorrow night, as its Star-baisically the Krazy house but since thats now gone SHITE...its a better version of it. where i practically dance like an idiot all night long, perfect night.
Ali and i have the greatest dance to Monster- The Automatic, which everyone has to copy it did manage to gain us £15 ;so you cannot complain!
Seeing alot of Project Metropollis, i think there my new local band which we follow round, its all very sad, i think perfect hair jordan is having a secret love affair with my boyfriend, and everytime he sees us he insists on kissing us all.  It must be something to do with the fact he can only have one pint and is pissed.

Next week i'm off to see Sunshine underground and The Klaxons in the nme 'rave' tour, coz i AM that cool!

And lastly as i'm boring myself now,  i have to express how unbelievably upset i am about the line up for Download... since when did My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park become headliners, whats happened to all the legendary bands?
What happened to the good bands?

Like the housemartins, of which i am listening to now!???

Hope everyone is all well and being good boys and girls.

Oooo and i must say, yey arsenal made it to the final-sad i know when did hana EVER watch football. 
~I need sorting out!

 
 
Current Location: Dez's laptop
Current Music: Metric-IOU